Parental Monitoring: Five Reasons Why It’s Okay to be the “Bad Guy”

October 8, 2012

When it comes to kids and their online activities, the term parental controls has been replaced by parental monitoring. Children are more technologically savvy than ever before, and they can easily get around most of the controls that you put in place. If they have Internet access, all they have to do is Google something for more information. Furthermore, YouTube is becoming more popular each day for its entertaining content and for the fact that it often has step-by-step, how-to videos on virtually anything.

Young kids also know not only how to make cell phone calls and send text messages, they can download and use most smart phone applications. Overall, developing technical skills and gaining independence is beneficial to kids. However, as the saying goes, greater freedom comes with greater responsibility. That responsibility falls on the shoulders of parents, even as their kids protest against constant monitoring.

If you have children, here are five points to keep in mind.

1) Your first responsibility to your kids is to keep them safe. Do you feel comfortable being in complete control of your children’s access to information? Probably not, but your primary responsibility to shield them from harm means that you might have to take some drastic measures (at least in their minds) to protect them.

2) Good parenting means realizing that you can’t be your child’s friend, even if you have “friended” each other on Facebook. As parents, many of us have become so preoccupied with encouraging our children’s self-esteem and wanting to avoid conflict that sometimes we give in when we should stand our ground. Treating them as equals doesn’t do them any favors. Many child experts agree that young kids thrive on routines, consistency, and positive discipline. They need you to set clear boundaries and expectations.

3) Effective parental monitoring can open up the lines of communication and encourage mutual trust. Talk to your kids honestly. Explain that it’s not that you’re being “nosy” about their personal lives. The reality is that, as long as they put their personal information out there, it can be seen by anyone who searches for it. Their personal safety and even future job prospects are all dependent on their being smart online.

4) In most cases, parents really do know best. Kids and teens think they know what’s best for them and they’ll fight for their independence. But studies show that individuals do not reach intellectual and emotional maturity until a certain age, and that most kids have not yet developed the ability to think critically about some situations or, more importantly, to make the right decisions when it comes to interacting with others online and sharing their personal information.

5) Bullying and cyberbullying are serious problems. Since social networking became available to children and teens, they can send and receive texts, photos, videos, and other media, all of which can be used to tease and harass others. Despite awareness campaigns and recent media attention, cyberbullying continues to have a harmful effect on children and families.

Encouraging your kids to be open with you while you do the same with them can make parental monitoring of their activities feel less harsh and more loving. They’ll thank you for it later!

uKnowKids is back up and running!

October 5, 2012

Hi everyone! First and foremost let me say thanks to all of you for your support of Tim Woda and our company. Yesterday was such a crazy day, we had so many people try to log on to sign up at the same time that it brought our whole system to a standstill! We're back up and running if you would like to try signing up again just click the button below. We would love to have you!

Best regards,

Tyler O'Rourke
uKnowKids Marketing Superhero.
 

What an amazing day for uKnowKids and our supporters!

October 4, 2012

uKnowKids was on The Ricki Lake Show today, and it was truly an amazing day.  Hundreds of thousands of parents learned about uKnowKids today, and that is the very good news!

The bad news is that all of our new fans overwhelmed our website today.  Amazing!  We are hustling to add new servers right now, and so if you can please provide us with your email address by clicking on the Sign-Up button below, we will contact you by email to alert you to when uKnowKids is back up and running at full speed with a bunch of shiny new servers.  I expect that to happen shortly.

Again, thank you for your interest in uKnowKids, and more importantly, thank you for doing your part to make the digital world a safer place for kids!

Steve Woda
CEO, uKnowKids

PS. In case you missed it, you can see Tim's clip from the show below!

Amazing Support From Tim Woda Being on The Ricki Lake Show!

Wow what a response! We've had such a positive response from our airing of The Ricki Lake Show that we can't keep up! Thank you for your continued support, you guys rock! Stay tuned as we work like crazy to keep up with all our new customers!

Parents vs. Teens on Internet Sharing

From photos to group homework assignments, the Internet is the way that our kids (and adults, too, if we're honest) communicate with others. We share videos and music via Twitter and Pinterest. We post to each other's Facebook walls and chat or instant message with others. We blog about ourselves and our interests. What does all that information sharing amount to?

Although parents and their kids both share a lot online, the perception out there about information sharing online is different. You and I are likely to think that others are sharing too much; our children are more likely to say that others aren't.

When asked, 90% of adults agree that people share too much information on the Internet while only 74% of teens do. Why the discrepancy? There are two reasons I can think of:

1. Parents are wiser about Internet privacy and the dangers of sharing too much, while teens are more naïve (or more likely to feel that nothing bad could happen to them;) or
2. Parents are more paranoid about the dangers of oversharing, while teens are a little more relaxed when it comes to online sharing.

I happen to believe that the answer is a little bit of both.

I've seen a number of encouraging studies that point out high percentages of teens who actively manage their privacy settings, protect themselves from online strangers, and carefully choose what they share and with whom. I think that many teens are extremely informed and in some ways, wiser than their parents about their online safety. 

On the other hand, I have also seen a number of disheartening news stories about teens who have been victimized after sharing too much information with the wrong person who befriended them in a chat room or sent them a friend request. I know that many kids are not as vigilant about protecting their online safety as they should be. That goes for parents too- a little parental monitoring is a good safety net.

The next time you're watching TV together and it goes to commercial, take a minute to ask your teens what they think about Internet sharing. Do people share too much? How much is too much? It's a good conversation to have, and a commercial break is just about how much time you have to dwell on the subject before your teen starts to roll their eyes.

Jenny Evans is a mother of four and a freelance writer specializing in parenting, childhood, and family issues.

Tim Woda on The Ricki Lake Show!

October 2, 2012

Airing Thursday October 4th, Tim Woda, our in-house Internet and Mobile Safety expert will be guest starring on The Ricki Lake Show. Covering two segments of the hour long show Tim details the harrowing story that led to the creation of uKnow.com and uKnowKids. If you would like to join us for our viewing party we will be hosting a Google+ Hangout with Tim and our Team. Join in on Thursday at 11:00 AM EST!

Thursday Show Preview: How much is too much when it comes to sharing on Social Media?

We'll hear from a father whose son nearly fell into an insidious trap set by an online child predator, and the actions he took to catch the predator and protect kids in the future. We'll meet a shocked mom  horrified by what her daughter was posting on Facebook. She used social media to teach her daughter a lesson she'll never forget. And a social media expert breaks down the do's and don'ts of sharing on social media with a "netiquette" primer.

Sextortion: What is it? And Would Your Child Know What To Do?

This month Marco Viscomi, a 27-year-old college student from Canada, was indicted in federal court for using a computer virus to blackmail teenage sisters into producing child pornography – of themselves.

He struck up a conversation online with the 17-year-old and talked her into sending him some risqué photos, then downloading a file from him that turned out to be a virus. Then he told her that he would ruin her laptop and send the photos to her parents if she didn't make explicit videos with her 13-year-old sister.

Unfortunately, she did. 

The mother in me recoils at the very idea of the story, and yet it happens too often. Just a few months ago, 39-year-old Richard L. Finkbiner of Indiana was charged with doing basically the same thing to a pair of teen brothers.

And he, like Viscomi, was apparently not doing this for the first time. Similar video chats and thousands of explicit pictures were stored on their personal computers. Both of them were experts at blackmailing teens in what police call "sextortion."

Of course, these predators should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. But how do we keep our kids safe when we know there are still others like them out there?

The key to preventing these tragic cases is equipping kids with good decision-making skills, especially when it comes to sexting.

Every now and then someone like Viscomi gets hold of the initial photos by finding them on Facebook or hacking into a teen's computer and taking them, but all too often predators only need to befriend the teens online and ask for a sexy picture, and the teens unwittingly comply.

Sexting has real consequences, and the momentary attention and approval kids might get by taking suggestive pictures of themselves pales in comparison to what could happen in the long run.

Please talk about sexting with your children, whether they are boys or girls. If they're online and engage in social networking, gaming, or chatting they need to have a conversation with you about it before it becomes an issue. Tailor the conversation to their age and maturity level, but talk about it. Don't let your kids play right into the hands of predators. I would reccommend that all parents use parental monitoring services for facebook and other social networks, as well as mobile phone monitoring software just to be safe.

Jenny Evans is a mother of four and a freelance writer specializing in parenting, childhood, and family issues.

Could Your Child Be an Online Troll? But What Is "Trolling"?

September 28, 2012

“Trolling” is making inflammatory, anonymous statements on the Internet for the sole purpose of derailing an online discussion or provoking the other participants in the discussion. In other words, another way for kids to participate in cyberbullying. A troll, in Internet lingo, is somebody who does this. Often times you might encounter this image when searching for a "troll":

Controversial subjects like religion and politics are popular with trolls, but they can and do lurk just about anywhere they can post an off-topic comment in hopes of flustering others. Discussion forums, chat rooms, blogs, and message boards are playgrounds for trolls.

Despite the name, a troll doesn't have to be a horrible, mean-spirited person. It could be your 14-year-old son or daughter.

Younger teens and tweens actually seem not to think trolling is all bad, according to a recent study. Kids like “trying on” the personality type and get a rise out of others. In general, tweens and younger teens are more likely to get a kick out of online jokes, like being Rick Rolled, even if it's mean-spirited and the joke is on them.

Older teens, however, say that trolls are “the worst thing about the Internet” in the same study.

Finding out that your son or daughter has been trolling online can be alarming, but for most younger teens and tweens it mostly amounts to experimentation. Most tweens go through a phase where they test the limits, seeing what reacting they can get out of others by saying outrageous things they don't even mean. 

(Actually, kids do this when they're preschoolers, too.)

The problem with trolling is that it's hard for others to decipher the real intent and meaning of a troll. What seems like harmless fun to a tween just messing around on the Internet can be seen as hurtful cyberbullying by someone on the receiving end. Racist jokes and hate speech might seem funny to your child in the moment, but are offensive to others and could even get your child banned from a website or land them in legal trouble. 

Establishing rules of online etiquette (and consequences for breaking said rules) are paramount in making sure that your tween or young teen is a responsible digital citizen. It may seem obvious to grown-ups that trolling is not a good idea for a lot of reasons, but don't expect your 12-year-old to make that connection alone if you've never talked about it together.

Jenny Evans is a mother of four and a blogger specializing in parenting, childhood, and family issues.

70% of Teens Hide Their Online Activity

September 24, 2012

Parental monitoring is difficult to begin with. It's no longer just about the family computer, but about knowing what your teen is up to on the laptop, iPod, Xbox live, and smart phone. And to make it even more difficult, your teen is probably actively trying to hide their Internet activity from you.

7 out of 10 teens report hiding their online activity from their parents, whether by minimizing browser windows when you enter the room or using a device they know you don't or can't monitor as closely. They might set up dummy social networking profiles or email addresses to throw you off, or change their privacy settings so that you can't see everything you think you can. Or they could just plain lie about what they're doing online.

Teens can get away with a lot of that stuff, because they're often more tech-savvy than their parents when it comes to the Internet.

Of course that's not always bad. Having your teen show you how to set up a social networking profile or install a piece of software to your computer can be a bonding experience – teens love to be the expert, after all – but the problem is when parents feel they're so far behind that they think trying to monitor their child's online activity is hopeless.

The perfect parental monitoring combines good communication and sound monitoring techniques. Good communication will ensure that your teen doesn't feel the need to lie about their Internet activity, or at least to lie about it as often (let's be realistic.) And sound monitoring – software that monitors your child, not the device they use, for example – ensures that no red flags are escaping your attention.

Another interesting statistic to think about: 70% of teens in 2012 say they hide their Internet activities from parents, but in 2010 only 45% said they did. It appears that kids today think they're getting away with more by being secretive, which is one more reason to engage in parental monitoring if you aren't already.

Jenny Evans is a mother of four and a blogger specializing in parenting, childhood, and family issues.

70% of Teens Hide Their Online Activity

Parental monitoring is difficult to begin with. It's no longer just about the family computer, but about knowing what your teen is up to on the laptop, iPod, Xbox live, and smart phone. And to make it even more difficult, your teen is probably actively trying to hide their Internet activity from you.

7 out of 10 teens report hiding their online activity from their parents, whether by minimizing browser windows when you enter the room or using a device they know you don't or can't monitor as closely. They might set up dummy social networking profiles or email addresses to throw you off, or change their privacy settings so that you can't see everything you think you can. Or they could just plain lie about what they're doing online.

Teens can get away with a lot of that stuff, because they're often more tech-savvy than their parents when it comes to the Internet.

Of course that's not always bad. Having your teen show you how to set up a social networking profile or install a piece of software to your computer can be a bonding experience – teens love to be the expert, after all – but the problem is when parents feel they're so far behind that they think trying to monitor their child's online activity is hopeless.

The perfect parental monitoring combines good communication and sound monitoring techniques. Good communication will ensure that your teen doesn't feel the need to lie about their Internet activity, or at least to lie about it as often (let's be realistic.) And sound monitoring – software that monitors your child, not the device they use, for example – ensures that no red flags are escaping your attention.

Another interesting statistic to think about: 70% of teens in 2012 say they hide their Internet activities from parents, but in 2010 only 45% said they did. It appears that kids today think they're getting away with more by being secretive, which is one more reason to engage in parental monitoring if you aren't already.

Jenny Evans is a mother of four and a blogger specializing in parenting, childhood, and family issues.